Corner Chat
Sunday 5 September
Saturday's events brought a double win for the Nails over Currie. On the main pitch, veteran flank-forward Jim Parker disregarded his body by running about like a 17 year-old for 77 minutes. As a reward for his sterling efforts, local Adidas rep Eric Allan Kramer, offered James the chance to become their new poster boy by starring in their latest marketing campaign - Impossible is... all I can think of!
Sunday 29th August
Big news from Down Under..........no Dickie Mill hasn't been picked by Robbie Deans for the next tri-nations match.........nor has Alan "Me soooooo tiny" Bennie been offered the 9 jersey for the Melbourne Rebels. It's bigger than that...........Jon Alston has found true love. And he's announced it on Facebook.
Fellow lethario, Flinty Nimmo has also been spotted dating recently. When asked for a comment Maxwell confirmed that the young lady in question had attended a fee paying school, had a double barreled name and her father owned considerable area of land which he "farmed". So she ticks all the boxes then....
In other news- the tea-totaling Dean's Brothers were barred from entering the late night drinking establishment Espionage on Saturday evening. Apparently ooor Rodders had consumed 3 cans of diet coke and was "aff his heed". Bucket had eaten 12 wine gums and was stumbling around. Take it easy lads.....
Wednesday 2 June
Missing your regular hit of Corner Chat? Fear not. Check out this little treat from Orkney to keep you going during the off-season.
Wednesday 4th May
Well here we are, the midnight oil has been burnt, Frodo is at the gates or Mordor, it’s Happy Gilmour’s last putt, Marty McFly is gunning the Delorian, Poodle chomping his 23rd slice of pizza at the Pizza Hut buffet and The Pink Toad is in tears. Yes folks, every good story must come to an end and I promise you- unlike George Lucas- we won’t be releasing a crap 4th installment and calling it something cheesy to do with crystal. This is the penultimate (Dickie: that means second last, i.e. one more to go) CornerChat © of season 2009/2010. So sit back, relax, and read:
The Orkney Trilogy Part III- Shammiliana Jones and the Minibus of DOOM!!!
We rejoin our intrepid adventurers as they wait in the queue to Fusion…….the aforementioned Mecca of nightclubs.
Rather large bouncer: “It’s pretty busy in there lads, just make sure you behave”
Jeremy Kyle aka Neilly: “ Fear not my good fellow, I shall ensure my chaps are nothing but gents. Anyway I think our definition of busy is somewhat different to yours you country Yokel.”
Rather large Bouncer: “We’ll see………..”
The Fusion bouncer was most welcoming……..
And so they entered……
And what a sight it was……..
It is entirely likely that Jesus, John Lennon, Ghandi and Winston Churchill were in there. Mother Theresa had just been horsed out for crowd surfing.
It was immediately obvious that a good time was going to be had and all the lads headed off to the bar. Well almost all the lads…….. But someone was missing……Jim “The Fridge” Parker.
Another missing fridge…..
But wait….what was that over there….sneaking off….into the mass of writhing bodies on the dancefloor….Big Jim? WITH A LADY?!? Yep folks, it’s true. After 17hrs of ground work, £134.30 worth of vodka lemonade, 6hrs of hand holding and a promise that he “was the quiet one of the group” The Fridge had found love. And he meant to keep it!
Simultaneously, in the other corner of Fusion, Doogal had also found love. Of a different sort…. of a Brotherly variety…..
They say everyone has a twin somewhere in the world….Doogal found his in Orkney….Although Jamie Oliver may claim Doogal is his 'fat twin' we can assure he is not....
So after depositing the GDP of Latvia into the Fusion cash registers the Lads decided to call it a night, happy with their evening’s entertainment and terrified of the 10hr trip home the next day…
Bright and early the next morning Cigar Steve fired up the White Bullet and the Goldy Oldies, looking slightly worse for wear, headed South back to the ‘Burgh. With hangovers a plenty a few sociable soda pops were supped to help rehydrate and replace valuable lost salts….But one man was not partaking in the refreshment. One poor soul was too spent to even contemplate a single mouthful of liquid rejuvenation. That man was Shamiliana Jones……..or as he is now known……..THE DRIBBLING TURKEY!! So without further delay I give you what you have all been waiting for…….Ladies (I hope there are no ladies reading this but anyway….) and Gentlemen, here it is…..take it away DT…..
Warning: There is one sweary word in this video. You have been warned....click HERE!
PS. A technical glitch has deleted all of CC. We will try to get it back.........